Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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