i wish there were pregnant emoticons
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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