So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize