Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
