My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You need Xanax blowdarts
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
