do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
