Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
