Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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