I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
