I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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