I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
