Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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