Buhtt sex?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
