And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
