I just cut my nipple shaving
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
