Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Who died my cat blue again?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize