if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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