is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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