I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Drake has all the answers
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
