I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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