Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
