But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
