Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
