I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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