i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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