MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
