is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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