Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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