I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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