He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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