My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
