forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
