Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
