whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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