When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
