oh god the rape fog is back!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
