You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize