i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize