side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
FUCK WHALES
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
