i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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