I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
