Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
