I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
how drunk are you?
Several
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
