Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
