thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
