I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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