his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
