if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize