I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize