you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
