look no pants
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
