I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
