I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
