I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
