My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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