You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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