LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
