I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he fucked my hip out of place.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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