And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize