you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
