oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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