Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
