I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
