two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
