Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
