Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
