So drunk its hurt
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
