By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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