You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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