found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
