Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I have tasted many bathrooms
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
