as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
